Priorities

I always love a good story, and I ran across this one the other day.

• A lighthouse along a bleak coast was tended by a keeper who was given enough oil for one month and told to keep the light burning every night. One day a woman asked for oil so that her children could stay warm. Then a farmer came. His son needed oil for a lamp so he could read. Still another needed some for an engine. The keeper saw each as a worthy request and measured out just enough oil to satisfy all. Near the end of the month, the tank in the lighthouse ran dry. That night the beacon was dark and three ships crashed on the rocks. More than 100 lives were lost. When a government official investigated, the man explained what he had done and why. "You were given one task alone," insisted the official. "It was to keep the light burning. Everything else was secondary. There is no defense."

All of us have priorities in our lives. We have our family, our friends, our careers and other responsibilities that keep us so busy. The problem for most of us isn't finding priorities, its putting our list of priorities in order. Which comes first? How do I keep it first? What happens if I focus on the wrong thing. The man in this story faced a similar quandary. He knew what his job was, yet other things that sounded so "right" came along and caused him to lose focus. No one would want a woman and her children to freeze. None of us would want to deny a child light to read by. The light keeper just couldn't say say no and because of that he missed the mark of his top priority.

This past Sunday we looked at James chapter 4 and addressed the issue of priorities. The people that James spoke to there were dealing with the ramifications of a life spent looking around at each other instead of looking to the Father. James reminds his readers that that their number one priority should be submitting and humbling themselves before God. He tells them that if they do this then God will draw near to them and exalt them because of it. So often we get our priorities our of whack. We start putting all of our focus on our careers; and then we become discontent when we see someone doing better than we are. We turn our attention to our families and then are disillusioned when we see our kids crying and throwing food while the family at the next table looks like they are on a magazine shoot! If we focus on earthly things you will always miss the mark. James 4 would tell us to focus on God, love people and remember that life is short---do the right thing FIRST! (10) Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands...purify your hearts...Do that with daily times of prayer and scripture readings. Do that with daily times of repentance and meditation on His Word. Do that by focusing on His will and not your own. Keep your eyes on the prize; the race is hard but the race is short!

Speech

Do you recognize the name Jack Handy? For those of you under age 35 or so, Jack Handy was a skit on Saturday Night Live. To say Jack Handy was a skit however, isn't really fair. Jack Handy was more of an informational segment. During this portion of the show soft music would play while some majestic nature scene was being shown in the background. Once the mood was set a voice (presumably Jack Handy) would come on and give what could only be classified as a "Deep Thought". Some of my favorite Deep Thoughts were: "It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man"! Maybe even more useful than that one though is one that said, "If you ever drop you keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go 'cause man they're gone"! My favorite though is one that could have been written about my house, "the face of a child says it all; especially the mouth part of the face"!

Over the last few years we have taught our kids several things. We have taught them how to read, write, play sports, ride a bike and lots of other fun and useful things. One thing we have never been able to teach our kids however, is how to control their tongues. Our kids tend to talk. A lot. A whole lot. Now those of you who know Karen and I are probably thinking that the apple didn't fall far from the tree, and you would be right. I have said many times that in a conversational setting all I need from you is to be there, I can handle both sides of the conversation. What I think is most interesting about all of this though is that Karen and I both got it from our father...Adam. You see the bible is full of stories of men and women who talked to much, said too little and got themselves into trouble because they couldn't control their tongues.

Last Sunday in class we looked at a passage from James chapter 3 that deals with this very subject. In James three he says among other things that; "If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check". We talked about how we all struggle with our tongues. We lie, we gossip, we complain and we curse. We are often like the people James describes in 3:9 who with our tongues, "praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in God's likeness". The only solution to this isn't something that you and I can come up with on our own. We should try and control what we say, we should watch our language and we should not gossip or complain. But in order to be people who do this consistently we need to be people who have the "wisdom that comes from heaven" (17). James was a man who believed and taught that our confession will change our behavior. One of the biggest areas of change for many of us should be the things that come out of our mouths. This week let us all seek God's face and ask for His wisdom in areas of speech. Be less critical of your spouse and see how it affects your marriage. Be more encouraging at work and see how your co-workers react. Quit telling the bad jokes and quit using coarse language and see who notices. Let us exhibit the control that only comes with wisdom obtained by a real relationship with Jesus. In other words---let the words that come out of your mouth be a reflection of the relationship that you have with Jesus in your heart.

Freedom

There is a quote that I have always liked by German playwright and poet Johann Goethe. He is quoted as saying, "None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free". I believe that he is correct and we see it played out in front of us in many ways everyday. We see it in the political realm in places like Iraq and Afghanistan when the people there fight against our troops because they believe the oppression they have lived under their whole lives is freedom. We see it in the physical realm when we see our friends, family members and co-workers turning to alcohol and drugs to be "free" from their problems. We know that end the end these problems are only magnified by these substances, but try explaining that to an addict in the moment. Far more pervasive and destructive than political or physical enslavement however is spiritual enslavement. I would say that we all know what this is like from our own personal experience. I know that at one point in my life I thought I was free; free to be my own man, make my own decisions and do whatever I wanted. One day however a light broke into my life and exposed the freedom I thought I had for what it was; a prison cell. I was enslaved to my own selfish desires, free to do only evil and go only as far as the bars would let me. Jesus Christ changed all that however, by freeing me from my sin and ultimately from myself.

That is exactly the point that the Apostle Paul is talking about in the book of Galatians. He has been preaching freedom for 4 chapters until he finally gets to chapter 5 verse one where he says that, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free"! Jesus set us free so we can have freedom! To often I am afraid that the world looks at the church and thinks that we are a people in bondage. I am afraid they get that impression because we give it to them. We spend most of our time on the "I cant's". I cant do that I am a Christian. I can't go there I am a Christian. I can't be around those people, I am a Christian. Don't get me wrong, we all need to work on our behavior and Holiness is something we should all strive for. The reality is though that if we lived our life taking advantage of the freedom that Jesus offers, being Holy would come easier. We (Christians) are the only people on this planet who are truly free. We should love each other in ways the world can't understand. We should serve each other in ways the world finds bizarre. We should smile so much that people think we are crazy. Then when they ask why, we can tell them, my joy comes from FREEDOM! This world is enslaved even though they don't know it. Let us spend our time this July 4th not only remembering those brave men and women who died for us to give us political freedom, but remembering our Savior whose sacrifice set us free for freedom. Love, serve and share; use your freedom to bring honor to the One who gave it.
Ed

Growth

My wife is in full blown consignment sale mode. What that means for me and the kids is, if you want to keep it, don't set it down! She has this whole system worked out involving hangers, plastic bags and a fog machine to keep us from seeing what she is getting rid of. At first I thought the subterfuge was for the sake of the kids, but recently I figured out it was for my sake. I tend to get sentimental when it comes to getting rid of things that belonged to the kids. I still remember the days when the babies couldn't fall asleep without that special stuffed toy, and now to see it just tossed in a bag forgotten about, kind of hurts me a little. Karen is constantly reminding me though that, "we aren't going to be sad about what WAS, but excited about what soon will be". That's sound advice and more evidence of why I married her.

Many Christians I am afraid are far to happy living in the "once was", all the while never moving on into the "what could be". I know far too many believers who spend all their time talking about what God has done for them. They have a great testimonies about how God saved them from this sin or that addiction. Now I am not downplaying the importance of a good testimony; what God has done for you is a great tool to use when sharing your faith with someone else. What I am afraid of though is that too many of us get saved and then just kind of wait around for death or Jesus coming back, which ever comes first. That kind of lifestyle runs contrary to what the scriptures command us to do. In the book of Galatians, Paul is writing to a group of believers who are saved, but spiritually immature. They get tossed about by every doctrinal wind that blows, they fall victim to every slick tongued preacher with "a word". The reason that they were so susceptible to the lies, was they hadn't grown in the truth. A study in the book of Galatians is a tough one, like I have said to the class many times, its like swimming in the deep end of the pool. It is only through studies like this one though that we build spiritual muscles and become familiar with the truth. The scripture constantly exhorts us to pray, study, work, pray and then work some more. I hope that you are working, because it is through the work of the gospel that we will be strengthened and those around us will be saved. Where are you on the "spiritual growth" chart. Are you growing up, moving beyond the ways of your youth or are you content where you are? Never be content, good just isn't good enough.
Ed

Truth

I hate losing things. My problem is I am so forgetful that I do it all the time. I lose my keys, I lose my wallet and probably most of all I lose my cell phone. Most of the time my phone is an easy thing to find, I simply call it from another phone and then walk around listening for it until I find it. There are times however that won't work. Sometimes I turn it off, sometimes the battery is dead and then sometimes I do something stupid like leave it at work (last week)! When I can't find what I am looking for I usually go through several stages; anger that I lost it, frustration that I am so forgetful, confusion because I can't remember, and then finally denial. You know how it is, if you lose something most of the time its someone elses fault for moving it! No matter what stage I am in though, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach never goes away. I know that no matter where I look or what I say or who I blame, I am never going to find what I am looking for.

Many people in the world and I am afraid many in the church have the empty feeling in the pit of their stomachs when it comes to the truth. Lots of people realize that they don't have it, don't know what it is and don't know where to find it. They go through life searching and questioning and blaming others for their own deficiencies. The world is angered by the fact that Christians claim to know the truth and find peace in it. Honestly, I understand their anger. When I lose something important to me and no one around me seems to care, I get angry too. Jesus Christ said in John 14:6 that he is, "The Way, The Truth and The Life, no man cometh to the Father but by me". That is an absolute truth that the world needs to know, but how can they know it if we fail to share it. It is my hope and my prayer that we (I) do a better job of sharing the truth with others, I want them to know I care that they have lost the truth. Paul in his letter to the Galatians is sharing the hard facts with his readers (that salvation is by grace through faith alone) because he loves them. He knew that they were lost, he knew that they were grasping at straws to fill the void in their lives and he knew that the only answer to all of their questions was the Truth of the gospel. I hope you know the truth too, don't lose it and don't be afraid to share it. The same gospel that set men free in Paul's day, is setting men free today. Share out of love, share out of obedience and share because you have found what they are looking for. We have the Truth, and the Truth shall set us free!

Grace

For those of you who don't know, I have coached my son's baseball team for the last 4 years. I love getting to be out there with the kids, and enjoy getting to teach them the basics of the game. Baseball to me is very unique in the sense that the thing that helps the New York Yankee's win so many ball games, is the same thing that will help the Highview "Golds" win, a grasp of the fundamentals. For a baseball player every spring starts the same from the time they first put on their gloves until they make it to the Major League, a review of how to field, how to hit and even how to run the bases. It is not as if these players forget, but it is always good to be reminded of the essentials of the game.

The same could be said of us, spiritually speaking. Many of us have been around this "game" a long time, while others of us might be rookies. It doesn't matter what your experience level is a review of the fundamentals is always a good thing. Last week we started taking a look at the book of Galatians and talked about how important grace is. To say that it is important is kind of like saying that a ball is important to baseball. Without it, there is really no game at all. Ephesians 2:8 tell us that, "For it is by GRACE you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is a gift from God". Without grace we cannot have access to Jesus, without Jesus, there is no salvation. Salvation is not dependent on us or our actions, it is totally dependent upon God and His grace. We live in an age that wants to celebrate the accomplishments of the individual, when it comes to our salvation the only celebration that is possible is worship of the One who did it all for us. Fundamental number one for Christianity, it's not about you-its all about him. Let us together live lives that point others toward the answer they are seeking. What can I do to get to God? Call out for HIS mercy and HIS grace, your actions will only result in more errors.
Ed

Intimacy

Sometimes in life there are things that we want, but for some reason we have a hard time putting it into words. For instance for some of you ladies its the perfect hair cut or the perfect outfit. For some of you guys its the perfect set of golf clubs or the perfect vacation spot. You can't explain it, but you will know it if you see it. For many couples the thing they want and can't put into words is the desire to be intimate. They want it, in fact they long for it, they know they don't have it, but they can't seem to communicate that need to their spouse. One reason for that is many people make the mistake of equating intimacy with sex. Physical intimacy is one part of the equation, but it's not the whole thing. For us to be completely fulfilled we must not only have our need for physical intimacy met, but also our need for emotional and spiritual intimacy. If we as husbands and wives fail to meet the needs of our spouses in any one of these areas, we are opening the door to temptation and potential failure. Here are just a few ways that we can work on the different areas.

If you want to emotionally connect with your spouse try doing something special for them that shows you are thinking about them when they aren't around. For instance:

• Send them a love note through the mail (it shows forethought and intention)
• Plan a surprise lunch or dinner for them (pack a picnic and make it fun)
• Hide a love note somewhere where they will find it when you are not around (their desk or purse or lunchbox)
• Pick a habit that you have that bothers your spouse and let them know you are changing it for them.

For physical intimacy try these things:

• Remember that (on average) women are crock pots and men are microwaves. Guy's if you want your dinner to be hot, you have to start it early. Call during the day, say I love you outside of the bedroom and show her that you are thinking of her in more ways than one. For you ladies, we know that a five course meal is great, but sometimes a microwave pizza will hit the spot. I think you know what I am saying.
• If physical intimacy is a problem in your marriage you might need to take a look backward and deal with past sexual sins. There might be somethings from our past that are barriers to our future. Confess, forgive and move on.

For spiritual intimacy:

• Make sure that each of you is a believer. Each partner needs to have their own personal walk with the Savior.
• Each partner needs to have their own daily quite time. If don't have one, start one. Five minutes is better than nothing.
• Start praying together. Pray for each other, your concerns and the problems that you both face.
• GO TO WORSHIP AND ABF TOGETHER! This step cannot be overstated. Attend worship and bible study on a regular basis and use the things that are talked about to stimulate your own spiritual conversations and growth.

We mentioned in the first week that love, as a feeling, isn't what your marriage should be built on. The reality is though that if you have that feeling it makes things easier. Work on your intimacy. Work on your connection and watch your marriage grow.

Ed

Memorial Day

Memorial Day has always been big for our family. Some of my earliest childhood memories are of my entire family gathering at the little country cemetery in Adair county to look at all the pretty flowers people would leave on the graves. After an hour or so of, "partying in the cemetery", we would all head back to my grandmother's house for a picnic. I never really understood what we were there to remember, but I loved the time with my cousins in the country.

Unfortunately many people view memorial day as nothing more than a day off from work and as an excuse to party with their friends. I hope that we will pause today and remember those who came before us and paved the way for so many freedoms we have. Let's remember the soldiers who gave their lives so that we could live in a country where we are free to celebrate and worship as we please. Let's remember our loved ones who have died and celebrate the heritage they have passed on to us. Let's remember our spiritual brothers and sisters who are still living and dying in places around the world for the sake of the gospel. Last, but certainly not least, let us remember today (like hopefully everyday) the savior who gave his life for us that we may not perish but have everlasting life.

We have so much to remember and so much to be thankful for. I spent yesterday in the same little country cemetery where I spent my childhood, only this time I did it as the father of three decorating the grave of my father. I am so thankful for all that he did for me and taught me over the years. I hope that I pass along to my kids what this day is really for. I hope that I pass along the knowledge of what these ancestors of ours did for us. Most of all though I hope that I leave a legacy worth remembering to those who are coming after me. What will my children say about me as they stand around my grave (in that same little cemetery)? Whatever it is that they will say is being written by me today. It's my prayer that I (and we) will live lives worthy of being remembered. I plan on starting again today, how about you?

Ed

Conflict

I can remember it like it was yesterday; it was the first day of summer vacation and I was 6. My friend Marty and I were enjoying a hot summer day and our new found freedom. We were practicing our skills for a kick ball game that we were sure was about to break out when out of no where Marty started making fun of the way I kicked the ball. I wasn't going to have it so I started making fun of his freckles and before you know it, it was on! Fortunately for me I was much bigger than Marty so the whole incident didn't last very long. There were a few punches thrown, a couple of headlocks attempted and then somehow I ended up pinning him down. The problem with pinning him was I didn't know what to do next, I had never been in a fist fight before. After a few awkward moments, I let him up and we went back to our game as if nothing ever happened.

I would guess that there are a few of you out there that remember the first fight you had in your marriage the way I remember that first fight with Marty. You probably remember the words that were said, the feelings that were hurt and you probably hoped it would never happen again. The problem is disagreements do happen, and they happen to the best of us. God made each of us unique and gave each of us experiences that for better or worse shape who we are. The process of two becoming one is great, but it is not without friction. If you want to be able successfully navigate conflict and not lose at love you should remember these 8 things.

1. Fight by mutual consent. Conflict resolution requires the participation of both parties. Don't start a "discussion" at a time when it can't be resolved fully.
2. Stick to the present. Old fights are irrelevant to current situations.
3. Stick to the subject. Limit disagreements to one subject at a time and then work through them to conclusion.
4. Don't hit below the belt. Don't use words just to injure. You know where your spouses weaknesses are, leave them alone.
5. Don't quit! Bring all conflicts to a mutual conclusion.
6. Don't try to WIN EVER! If you seek to win, you make your spouse the loser. Nobody wants to be a loser or be married to one.
7. Respect crying. Crying is a valid response to how we feel, but it must not cause the disagreement to be prematurely ended.
8. No violence. Ever. There is no justification for physical confrontation.

There are two reasons why we should have conflict: to understand each other better and to develop greater intimacy. If you follow these simple keys your disagreements should bring you closer together, not farther apart, and that after all is the goal.

Ed

Communication

I was recently reading one of my favorite magazines (Outside) and I ran across an article about Dean Karnazes. Dean is an ultra-marathoner and in the article he talked about a recent experience he had while running in the 621 mile Four Desert Challenge. He said he was on day four of running across the Sahara when he became dangerously dehydrated. His ears started ringing, his head started spinning and he had no choice but to sit down in the sand, completely by himself and figure a way out of the mess he was in. What would he do? "Be in the moment, don't think about what you have to do next, just take one step at a time. There's magic in misery". Magic in misery? If there is magic in misery then I bet there are lots of people out there who would say their marriages are Disneyland! Many people struggle through their marriages only loosely connected to the ones they love and that's a shame. One of the best things you can do for your marriage is become a champion communicator. Here are 7 ways that you can become the kind of communicator that would change the course of your marriage.

1. Learn to listen. Let your spouse know that you are a safe person for them to talk to then prove it by paying attention. Don't always be so anxious to "fix" the problem, they often already have the solution, they just need you to hear them.
2. If you see that your spouse has a problem with something, ask about it. They are your business. Don't be so afraid of their reaction that you miss an opportunity to help.
3. Learn how to walk. Leave behind the cell phones, the facebook and the distractions and just share some time together.
4. Turn off the T.V. There is only so long two people can sit together in silence before one person starts to talk. Take advantage of that time together.
5. Don't discuss important issues in bed before you fall asleep. Fatigue will make you say things you might regret later.
6. Never agree to anything without checking with your spouse 1st. It might make you feel silly at first, but it will communicate to your spouse that you esteem them more highly than anyone else.
7. Finally, attend worship and join a bible study together. The topics raised during worship and bible study are a great jumping off points to real meaningful conversations.

In many, many ways, communication is the key to a healthy relationship. My hope is that you take these 7 keys and figure out which one(s) opens the door to your partners heart.

Expectations

The second in our series on marriage was Godly expectations. We all enter our marriage with expectations, we expect things will always be great and our spouses will always meet all of our needs. It usually doesn't take to long for reality to set in. Life is complicated, people are sinners, and each of us have struggles that we have to face. One thing that I think would serve our marriages well is to remember that not only do we have expectations for our marriage, but God does too. His expectations for marriage come directly from Ephesians 5:22-33. In those verses God lays out for wives that he expects them to be submissive and for husbands that he expects them to love sacrificially. We spoke in class about how true submission isn't demeaning, its actually freeing. It is not something that women do to men, but wives do to their husbands. It also isn't something that women do FOR men, but out of service to God. In class I gave 5 tips that women could institute if they truly wanted to bless their husbands. I didn't come up with these, they actually come from Danny Akin in one of his many marital seminars. I don't think he will mind if I share them with you here however.

1. Wives if you want to bless your husband, give him honor and respect. It is his greatest need and your best way to help him become all that he can become. The best way for you to show your husband respect, is to tell him you are proud of him.
2. Wives should provide sexual fulfillment. Telling him he is great is nice, sometimes showing him is better.
3. Cultivate home support. Create an atmosphere at home that is safe and rejuvenating.
4. Strive to be attractive both inside and out. Don't save your best for other people, share that with your husband.
5. Finally, become his best friend. Learn to do things that he enjoys so that he doesn't always see others as fun and you as a drag. Learn to share experiences together.

Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. That means for a husband to love his wife properly, he must love her sacrificially. Guy's its not all about you, in fact its not about you at all. A marriage isn't 50-50, its each of you giving 100% to the other. Danny Akin listed 7 things that a man can do if he wants to love his wife, here is that list.

1. Be a spiritual leader. Be a man of character, commitment, and compassion. Be a student of the word and lead her along.
2. Give her personal affirmation. Not only in private but in public, make her feel like she is the most special woman in the world.
3. Show her personal affection in the form of romance. Don't let the flowers, cards and letters stop once you say "I do".
4. Initiate intimate conversation. Talk with her on a heart level. Listen to what she says and learn to communicate in a way that she understands.
5. Be honest and open. Look your wife in the eye, tell her the truth and never give her a reason to doubt you.
6. Provide home and stability. Be responsible in the area of providing for the family.
7. Finally demonstrate your family commitment. After Jesus, put your wife first. Don't play the fools game of working long hours trying to get ahead and loose your family in the process.

Marriage is about sacrifice. Husbands and wives together sacrificing themselves for each other. That is what God expects of us and what we should expect of each other. Once realistic expectations are put in place, realistic outcomes become possible to achieve.

More than love

A few weeks ago during our Sunday morning ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship) I began a five week series on marriage. Since our class is made up of couples who for the most part have been married less than five years, I thought it might be a good idea to cover some basic marital concerns that we all face. Statistics tell us that every year somewhere between 43 and 52% of all marriages end in divorce. For those of us who regard marriage as sacred that number is both sicking and frightening. I think that one thing the church needs to do is remind people that marriage is not something man created, it is not something man designed, it is not something that culture dictates: marriage was created by and belongs to God. He invented it, He put it in motion and it is He who gets to set the guidelines for it. According to Genesis 2:24 God gave Adam his bride Eve, there by showing us the parameters of marriage (1 man and 1 woman). In that same verse he also shows us the importance of marriage. When a man and woman get married they will make all other earthly relationships secondary to their marriage. In this verse (24) he also shows the duration of marriage, it is to be permanent. When the bible says that they will "become one flesh" it means just that. They are no longer two separate entities revolving around each other, they are one. The only way to truly become "one" is to understand what you are getting into. Love is great, but love tends to fluctuate. Some days you really feel it, and other days, well not so much. What marriage was created to be is a covenant. A covenant between two people, who by the way, should be equally yoked together. Many people think a covenant is a contract, but that's really not true. The bible speaks of covenants in many places, but one of the best definitions of a covenant I could find actually comes from the marriage manuel at our church. I thought I would share with you a few things it says about covenant's.

• A covenant is based on trust between parties; a contract is based on distrust.
• A covenant is based on unlimited responsibility; a contract is based on limited responsibility.
• A covenant cannot be broken if new circumstances occur; a contract can be broken by mutual consent.

Love is great, it is something that God wants us all to experience. The reality is however, that love alone won't keep us together. We need to know that when we say I do before God and men, we have entered into a sacred trust. It is something not to be entered into lightly, because one flesh can never really heal once it is torn apart.

Ed