Intimacy

Sometimes in life there are things that we want, but for some reason we have a hard time putting it into words. For instance for some of you ladies its the perfect hair cut or the perfect outfit. For some of you guys its the perfect set of golf clubs or the perfect vacation spot. You can't explain it, but you will know it if you see it. For many couples the thing they want and can't put into words is the desire to be intimate. They want it, in fact they long for it, they know they don't have it, but they can't seem to communicate that need to their spouse. One reason for that is many people make the mistake of equating intimacy with sex. Physical intimacy is one part of the equation, but it's not the whole thing. For us to be completely fulfilled we must not only have our need for physical intimacy met, but also our need for emotional and spiritual intimacy. If we as husbands and wives fail to meet the needs of our spouses in any one of these areas, we are opening the door to temptation and potential failure. Here are just a few ways that we can work on the different areas.

If you want to emotionally connect with your spouse try doing something special for them that shows you are thinking about them when they aren't around. For instance:

• Send them a love note through the mail (it shows forethought and intention)
• Plan a surprise lunch or dinner for them (pack a picnic and make it fun)
• Hide a love note somewhere where they will find it when you are not around (their desk or purse or lunchbox)
• Pick a habit that you have that bothers your spouse and let them know you are changing it for them.

For physical intimacy try these things:

• Remember that (on average) women are crock pots and men are microwaves. Guy's if you want your dinner to be hot, you have to start it early. Call during the day, say I love you outside of the bedroom and show her that you are thinking of her in more ways than one. For you ladies, we know that a five course meal is great, but sometimes a microwave pizza will hit the spot. I think you know what I am saying.
• If physical intimacy is a problem in your marriage you might need to take a look backward and deal with past sexual sins. There might be somethings from our past that are barriers to our future. Confess, forgive and move on.

For spiritual intimacy:

• Make sure that each of you is a believer. Each partner needs to have their own personal walk with the Savior.
• Each partner needs to have their own daily quite time. If don't have one, start one. Five minutes is better than nothing.
• Start praying together. Pray for each other, your concerns and the problems that you both face.
• GO TO WORSHIP AND ABF TOGETHER! This step cannot be overstated. Attend worship and bible study on a regular basis and use the things that are talked about to stimulate your own spiritual conversations and growth.

We mentioned in the first week that love, as a feeling, isn't what your marriage should be built on. The reality is though that if you have that feeling it makes things easier. Work on your intimacy. Work on your connection and watch your marriage grow.

Ed